2022 09 03 14 32
truth 1: truth
truth 2: fraud
truth 3: truth
so, we were told that some 40-50 million people of one group were killed during the second world war. then there were conspiracy theories. then i wondered if both were false. but maybe both are true.
the more you look for truth the more you open a deeper truth. when you are at the core, it is in plasma state, that is, 3 forms in 1. you can never really tell when what happened. because numbers are just numbers and they are easily changed to fit whatever narrative is wanted.
i am not like others. it seems i look forward with my left eye then look to the side with my right eye. i am lefthanded. and this all gets confusing because it is very difficult for me to tell between left and right.
i was told once that if you hold your hand out the left hand forms an L. still, if i dont have time to think i do not know. if someone gives me an instruction of left left right left right right right. then it is basically impossible for me to follow. this has followed me through life.
sometimes it is difficult to tell between joy anger and fear. my dad once said "de va datorns fel". i eventually wondered if that meant something more. was it socitys fault? i thought about that, and i forgave my dad in a couple of moment. but that is only in my mind, not my heart. how do you forgive in the heart? and should you?
the ones that came before me paved the way. oh, its getting warmer outside or inside or shallow. to say it once again, you need to be sure you are in the right synchronicity when you tan. you do not really get cancer from sunlight. and there are many many many afflictions.
now in my loneliness it feels.. not much different from before. i am less angry i am more angry. i have neuroleptics again, so the only emotion i get is joy. you could call it high-functioning depression or inversed depression. calmness cannot be an illness, right?