20 04 05 07

7th may 2004. my birthday. my mom took me to hallunda by car.

1 we first went to arbetsförmedlingen. talked with a staff there. she found an education for me. she said if i do the education i have to work with it afterwards. later i went in the building the told day. i did not find the exact place. gave up. went home.

2 we were to buy some groceries. i chose miscellaneous citrus fruit and icecream. among those a bowling ball size fruit. the cashier did not know what it was. placed the icecream and most of the other fruit in my room. the icecream melted, was some oranges by it. took a photo. photoshopped it to purple tone. uploaded on deviantART with the alias i had at the time, seas.

3 i get a migraine later in the day. my vision partly goes grey. walk outside to the porch, lie in the old sofa we have there. it gets better. go to my room again. sleep. i realise i am dead on the inside for the first time. i sit in the armchair, lay my head back, and its as if it could always be like that. i remember a picture from someone on deviantART, comment, get a reply in private message. this was my second psychosis. the first as mentioned was when my mom cried for a long time, i was 7 years old when i noticed she had cried for an entire year.

4 i comment on peoples photoshops for a few days, someone replies with "no, but i have felt time go slower". decide to start from scratch with my writing, ignore all rules i have heard in school and create my own from intuition.