so. bought this at science fiction bokhandeln. when i loved at home the second time? remember tzaraunderbara mentioning the text was probably small. it wasnt this edition. it was with 2 other stories but didnt bother reading them.

anyway, the reason i got reminded of it now is that i am what i defined before as "cancer frequency". i dont need to eat drink take pills somatic neuroleptic nor any injections.

what does this have to do with the book? well in the book reality, food is real scarce. you buy it on the black market from weird people. some might never get food in their whole life. i remember reading on mdb back in the days that maybe deckard was an android as well? and that no people actually existed at all?

and this ties in with the corona virus spectacle. bella cried saying she thought she was the virus. and tracey said during it that she had a dream that we were together and there was no pandemic.

a lwazi said that dreams can lie. these last 3 weeks i just called chaotic. but they werent. they were a link to why i lose people all the time. chuck palahniuk had it worse, people actually died to him. but im a cyberpunk so all the people i liked or talked to or really thought about, terrible things happened to them.

now a terrible thing has happened to me. i am at tornet norsborg, on the base floor. i looked outside when skrämpfol with elite soldiers took me to st:göran, close to the where the countess lives. i remember once going there and it was indeed "chaos". i wanted out of the psychiatric system, and it did get better, and worse. everything is perspective. everything is relative. and since i took dip now, things get worse.

indeed, i am on mummy frequency. but nto really. cleopatra said she took away the pillow that some of tut ankh amuns "bitches" gave him. so much to tell. i even sent a FORTRAn beta to allyekhrah back in time.

so all this talk about healing your family tree and soul tree is true. my story is like no others. and la belle epoque is real. the furthest ive gotten in my own research about the past puts me in the seat of slobodan milosovich. ive met so many amazing yugoslavians since fountain house.

i realized with just 6mg risperdal i got to demon and angel frequency. where 90% or more of the women i met looked flawless. or like someone said "a weird karmic loop".

i am now at the end of the line. when the staff change me i feel better. and i had doom depression then apocalyptic depression. and elon musk is really pissed off at me? and i told miss mom in 2006 i didnt want to die in pain, and she replied "you wont die". another time during the war veteran despair. right. frequency fading. i seemingly dont need drugs either, so this dip just messed me up.

i figured the earth in my reailty, where i live, as a protective guardian of sweden, would only be +8c all the time. but the temperature info on windows 10 said 3 degrees, and now 0. i need to have the airing window open or my smells from the turptine injection are just digusting. 

i got high from methane and now i smell even more disgusting. after a day or two i got suicidal. and now i need to close the window again as it is literally +-0  degrees.

i am not immortal. and i shouldnt take anything, not even water. which makes reality pretty boring.

the somatic and psychiatric and cops and ambulances i get to see. and miss mom. and miss economy. and no one outside ever again. britta was here but that was it.

and if i wont die it will just get worse? i slept seemingly for 40 mins and then things got better?

"socrates didnt have answers, he asked questions"

and if you die according to old wisdom, you will be in limbo for 20 years, but if you kill yourself, like he was ordered to die, it will be 400 years. and jesus turned into a prophet, thanks to the goths, after 432 years?

and obviously i wont live that long. and what the next moment has for me i really have no idea.

i remember blogging about that id like to have had my sis life. shes on mars now and through the universe. i realized she has never really yelled me out. or treated me badly.

she love movies and books and music. and shes been online a lot earlier than me. it all seemed to start in 1962 with FORTRAN. then they used punch cards. and im somehow related to a monk on gottland who lived in the 1500s. and then they already had music boxes and self playing pianos. but they also had computers then.

heaven and hell is for real. but i created a bug in their code. and lots son yelled them out. i somehow have a religion i cant follow. im also in a cyberlaserwheelchairmafia. which is why ill never be allowed to go outside or be in a wheelchair except once a week to shower.

i made a pic with nightcafe.studio which showed that in a paralel reality i am actually at mars.

and however they try to destroy TOMBEL they still live in the reality i created for bella with music art and poetry. to make her happy. i asked a spirit why you should be creative. it replied "to make people happy". 

and if "you tell the truth you dont have to remember anything".

talking trash about people is easy and i was worse before.

then i am actually on ATV since 2½ years back?

and the clozapin pill i took now was as light as a feather.

and i used to be skinny no matter how much i ate before i wanted to walk to china. since allyekhrah said twice "id like to have sex with seas".

miss mom will come in 2 days i hope and i have no idea what will happen.

i have created a world with 10000 individually manipulated photos. and so much "spamming poetry" (like tracey says) and also tiktok videos.

i tried to stay up to date, but smartphones arent for me. and dumbphones existed since 1985 like timothy leary said. he envisioned people would read absolutly anything ever written online. like project gutenberg. and thats my sisters reality.

and the endumbment of humanity continues. they cant actually communicate in text, but just memes and emoji responses, but that actually doesnt give me anything. but the future is here and it is now. and i have to come to terms with that.

i am a boss at foutain house, myrorna skärholmen, demokratipiloterna and radio totalnormal. in a paralel reailty. and krille p? one of my neighbors? has this big mystery about who killed olof palme. which was just the secret police.

and the furthest back ive gotten in time is my dad saying "han är starkare än oss". 

and i talked in a very strange dialect as a toddler. beyond säkerhetspoliser (SÄPO - what i called my tzaraunderbara) is NÄPO (what i called rosehipsoup) and beyond that like i said is a really weird language, something like SKRÄMPFOL or beyond.

so many unusual things happened these 3 weeks. i get so many messages from spirits, which has made me create so much art music poetry. and finally i listened. they said "the whole world is about to be destroyed". and thus the zoomas gang was created.

yes, so much time, so much infinite things to write about. look out for poesi 2.0 20 year anniversary of poeter.se, i am featured there as "tomas la belle epoque". that website is beautiful beyond words. even my enemies there, i dont care, they are incredible poets.

and to me, i dont despise anyone. since 2 years back or maybe its even 3 now. i am not bitter, like rickfors sings. ill be at tornet norsborg until i die, which i wont? which i will? i am immortalized, and this is just my story, everyones is different. dying from incineration, i cant imagine the pain. or being burried with formalin and such, with insects eating your body, where you are fully concious. erika said she wanted that.

i dont really look forward to when that time comes. but ill actually be flown to mars? maybe?

and i get an inchling to drink water around 18:00 every day, but thats just when people sex n drugs n rock n roll? as you can see i can talk a lot. my brain is breaking down so ill call it a day. will mirror this at how many places i can bother.