= be the one =

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so, im dumb. i like posting the majority of things i write (to whoever) on all my sites. some people dont like that.

andrea doesnt like livejournal for some reason. is it because of its previous taste for slasher content, or is it because its owned by the russian state now? so when i posted some convo from only my side some year ago (really, i have no idea what it was about now), she freaked out and stopped talking to me.

then i noticed shed sent me a message about that "if you want to know how you are divine masculine, please talk to me again" much later. i eventually found it. then i said her comic was amateurish and she again stopped talking to me.

then i messaged her on instagram (in another name) and we talked and shes wonderful and smart and vapourwave funny. then she was gonna visit me, except she was "just" in sweden and will message me when shes planning a trip again. well, guess what, shes not saying anything to me anymore again. i love myself =(

so yesterday evening i messaged a tantra psychologist on facebook. eventually she sent me a recorded message. she sounds like margaretha (the 85 year old poet / writing course instructor, that is, not the mulatto chick) except she has lots of emotion and pauses in her voice. amazing <3

except, she ALSO doesnt like that i post our convos (again, only from my side) anywhere else. bella didnt like me posting my poems to her anywhere else except... to her. its a female thing, i guess =(

oh wait, xhyljeta was like that too. i wrote a lot of poems about her, except, i first posted them online in several places. that pissed her off. she did ask if id written something new often, i handed her a tiny paper piece with tiny font and shed always read it with a wonderful smile.

so once, as we were walking to the commute, i told her a poem id written about her from memory.

you dont like me when im sad
you dont like me when im happy

you dont like me when im mad
you dont like me when i suck up

you dont like me when im horny
you dont like me when i ignore you

she replies WHAT DO YOU WANT

i replied

you...

she replies EWW NASTY (i still to this day have no idea what it means, shes said it several times)

then she doesnt want me to follow her to the commute and takes the subway instead.

all the while, when i get home, i hug my pillow and cry for 4 hours.

i then go on facebook, and there is a new selfie that she has. she has no makeup on (she literally always has) and her usual cheshire smile, except i see that shes also cried. literally, for 4 hours as well.

she ends up deleting her facebook and i cant find it to this day. last i remember it was jackie MX. but i only found it if i only added people from the job facebook on a new account.

mind games, i used to not get them, now i do. and they dont make me happy. i dont want to play like that.

im just me. genuine. seems im the only one in the world =(

so as for the tantra psychologist. she was a fraud. she said "since you have gone through so much suffering, i think you have a lot of hidden talents". rrright.

the last selfie i saw of xhyljeta before she went rouge she was in a a very short dress outside what looked like a very expensive mansion and car. turns out thats where her big family lived. shes since moved out. but it was just to make me jealous, that she was doing it with some rich dude. as i flirted around a lot at the job.

oh, i forgot. anyway. happy to read, if be able. will post allll over. awesome =(

right, miss tantra did message me in the morning, in what sounded like a goodbye letter. aka "you seem like a free spirit, and good luck in creating more art". still, sweet =*)

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{{DiktAvAnvändare|Heartgold Worldstone}}
