https://www.fountainhouse.se/medlemsberattelser/tomasove/

What’s anxiety to you?

It started in my teens – did stupid things, regretted it – over and over again. Still, it wasn’t that bad. Couple that with meds though – and everything is enhanced, and becomes intolerable. Almost anything is better than that emotion.

With the geeky point of view where you don’t meet other people, and think that you know yourself so well… Then, I supposed that no-one would ever need me. Combine that with a bad economic situation, and it turns to a lot of being locked up in your room. Eventually it feels like there’s no way out – but the exit, isn’t the end either.

”I have removed cellphones from my life; the TV was thrown out ages ago, and I only have a slow internet connection at home”

How do you handle your anxiety?

Because I’ve had anxiety for so long I don’t think it will just up and disappear. For me it means oxygen deficiency. So every time I get low on air, because of many different reasons, that’s when the angst strikes. The only thing, which helps me, for real, is insight – about how I mentally and psychically function. The easiest to influence here is the nutrition, so I don’t get stuck in a feedback loop.

It was fun to be manic, but the sways in the end aren’t worth it. I made a lot of art when I was up, but now it’s more seldom, though what I create now is actually better than before.

Also, as a nerd I thought electronics was the answer, but have realized that I need to interact with other people to reduce my self-destruction. When I got anxiety before I used to run home as quickly as I could, but now I’ve noticed that I miss out on a lot. So even though I feel bad, good things can happen.

With how it was before I planned for very little, and even the things I should’ve done I didn’t. But in many ways everything turns to the worse then. Because I heard that I didn’t fit in, over and over, I tried to be as unique as possible. But now I strive for moderation, it doesn’t have to be negative.

”It’s amazing how many times you can make the same mistakes without learning from it.”

What does Fountain House mean to you?

There’s always something going on that you can put your mind to. And if you have your own ideas, you sometimes get them through – that’s enhancing of your self-esteem if anything… Because I’m a creative soul, I can funnel it into something that people appreciate, instead of spamming social media with my entries.

As an alternative to a short affirmation, you get something lasting. To experience that someone treasures what you do, instead the press of a button, is miles and miles.

Lastly: I hate to love to cook. But when I was asked to mastermind a pesto-dinner for a Young Adults staking, I didn’t chicken out, and it was very appreciated.