its strange. now i mostly get inspired when trying to rest (ie despair, the lack of hope) or when im out walking (NEVER). not when on the comp. well. i ruined it. before i just had chocolate as an addiction. as i added other addictions to it, i needed several to get the same effects. still, i should try when i have despair to write down my ideas, even if it would take 10 mins or more. its hard. but what isnt. being lazy is real hard, because then you might get some ideas, or regret things. "remorse is a wasted emotion" - the crusader (JK!!!!!)

god damn. i tried logging into my normal char on runescape. and i just couldnt do it. to smith through 200 proteans? and just... wait... to automagically get xp? then i rather play a free character.

hey i get some OCD it was pretty bad before when i didnt do drugs. even when i had the nanochip healing me it was bad. now i do dip cig and coffee and its alright. i wont live forever this way, but the world is ending soon so lets go out with a bang tracey <3 hey you know whats coming, youre preparing effie well. youre a lovely mom <3 and im happy ive pushed you in the right directions over the years. i have no idea where id been without you. maybe id just made more and more book projects that only the gods and angels woulda cared about. hey, if i smoke i get discipline. if i dont, my home just turns more and more disgusting, and me as well. remember, smoking meat removes toxins. thus you should smoke CBD or pure tobacco cigarillos. filters are evil theyre made of plastic and you get cancer from plastics.

ok im mortally afraid of mobile phones now. my feet are cold from the last call. not fun. ill try to mail that snailmail to miss mom. i sent her the SAGA POESI book and a small walley with a gingerbread heart on. i havent appretiated her before. nows the time. it was a long time coming. but hey. ive also broken free of my ego illusion. like the MMORPG writeup i have, i now want to make a difference in peoples lifes. if it took 2 years of missing bella to create it, then all the better. im mostly surfing from bed. the greys give me anxiety, and sugar works better than drugs to remove it. they visit AT LEAST 3 times per day so its a challenge to stay mentally healthy. anyway, mental illness is just digital abuse. that is, you abuse comps or phones or whatever, and the greys get disapoint at you and turn you into an experiment. its fucked up but its just how it is. theyre probably on every planet everywhere. anyway, theyve saved my life more than once. i try complimenting them. but i gave mr latino grey anxiety. and that wasnt fun. i gave him a hug. anyway.  BTW

"to everything there is a season, and a time for everything under heaven" - predikaren <3