a few stories about nausea

it is the artists mission
to name the unnameable

i have heard somewhere
and also that

an artist sees 
what is right in 
front of peoples eyes 
but that they 
dont care about

and thus something 
ive never heard foretold
nausea

this is a few stories
first
i think we all have 
memories as kids
of eating too much 
candy and barfing
i can only remember once
was at my birthday party
when i was a few years

then
i did my own soda
what they dont tell you
is that they put an 
alcalic agent in it
for commercial soda
and mom had made lasagna
and i just ate more and more
what happened then
as i dont clean my hands a lot
i got kräksjukan
the vomiting illness
it ran from every hole...
and this was before the day
i was supposed to finally 
move out from my parents

then
fast forward to 2019
i had started with drugs
thanks to bellas sister
tessans "help"
i did it nice and easy then
rubbing alcohol, i sniffed it
came to another reality
and ATE insta-coffee powder
smoked some

and then one day
i have to suit myself
you see
i had gotten acid reflux
a few times over the month
i figured
hey
it will pass

well
one day
i woke up
and i couldnt breath
ive later heard that 
my head turns blue then
i pissed myself
and vomited
trying to reach for 
the window and opening it
my kind and 
understanding mother
gave me a new bed
and i got better
but not perfect

later
i was punished with anthistamines
for something ill talk of sometimes
i got nightmares in broad daylight
but i spat em out quickly
and that was that
what happened though
is that my nausea turned better
and also my body
ya see
i have fibromyalgia
which ive talked about some before
and the antihistamines healed it

later
id sniff rubbing alcohol yet again
i felt so good from it
cant remember in what way
but i thought it was good for me
what that happened to transcribe
is that i ruined my liver with it

but that was the best thing
that could happen to me
again
id get a slight vomiting 
sensation when waking up

but you see
id used to eat tons of junkfood
so only because of the liver
i started eating more healthy
eggs eggs and more eggs
in many ways to cook
and i also made mincemeat 
sauce from scratch

now today
i was nauseus
i tried with everything
which isnt a lot
i have no one to give 
me directions in life
and all advice 
how unoften i get it
seems wrong and bent 
on making me 
more miserable

i drank water
cold cold tapwater
for the first time in...
i cant really recall
and i got nauseus from that too
i guess i needed proteins
id just bought some eggs
thered been nothing at 
the grocery store for 2 weeks
i grabbed the last package
hah!

and had some 
lingonberry 
jam with it
and it calmed 
my stomache

so whatever you do
if you take drugs
or drink a lot
or smoke a lot
take care of your stomache
take care of your throat
how else are you gonna 
eat real food 
once in awhile
or drink normal water 
without anything added?

vomiting and nausea 
isnt something you 
should indulge in a lot
but some do it for sport
to enjoy and to stay thin
but it wrecks the body
im 40 now
my teeth some of them
especially wisdom teeth
are in shambles
since i never 
brushed my teeth
like
ever
once in awhile id start
for half a year
but really
i havent brushed them a lot
and i get to pay now
when im 40

so whatever you do
take care of your stomache
take care of your throat
take care of your body
its all you got
soul is important too
but its usually 
extreme alcoholics
in self denial
who nag about that
as nietzsche once said
your body is wiser 
than your thoughts
take care of it
it wasnt a gift
it was a tradeoff
for you to live a long life
and improve the world
dont ruin your body
take care of it
eat nutriciously
eat proteins 
you need them
or you often get self 
harm problematics from it
for me
its been usually 
throwing things away
or deleting a poem the 
second i finished writing it
which id spent hours on
take care of yourself
take care of yourself
take care of yourself
