libido

"you know what
we cant have 
a relationship
because your dick 
is too small"

thats strange
from 2 women 
days apart
id known them 
since a decade back
we had never had sex
we had seen 
eachother naked
but nothing more
they wanted me to 
take the next step
which i didnt do
since im 53% female
they thought i 
was an alpha male
never felt like one
no muscles and 
a big stomache
so what that 
quote did tell me
since before id taken 
cocaine on my 
40:th birthday
i was evidently 
a god of sexuality
how many had 
fantasized about 
me i dont know
now im only attracted 
to japanese women
figure that one out...
and i dont feel like 
looking at porn anymore
if you dont jack off 
2 times per week
its higher chance to 
get prostate cancer
well, ill get that then
im tired of being 
controlled by my emotions
im less chaotic now
i dont go on delete 
sprees of my own art
i dont throw things away
i dont get randomly 
angry at people
i dont flood social media
the cocaine did me good
the psychiatric 
staff respect me
since they take 
every drug under the sun
before i started with drugs
and then i even 
mean coffee and tea
it was hell in closed 
psychiatric care
now its a cakewalk
i never got anything 
out of women thinking of me
though, for awhile at the job
at lunch time
there was a table for 8
just me, and 7 women who adored me
but ive only slept with 4 women
its good enough for me
im a nun/monk now
its ok how it is
i wouldnt ask for more
i wish you joy love 
luck and abundance
its where im headed
i hope to 
meet you 
there
some day