the story of the exhuberant mother

so i decided to hit the tavern
twice this week
i chose a bad time
because every table was taken
so i said id take the food with me
well only a minute later
a following left
and i seated myself
i ate in slow munches
after awhile
a couple comes in
and asks if its taken
i invite them in
not soon thereafter
the woman of the couple
starts talking about her son
exhuberantly
so i try to chime in
what is he good at?
"hes a great chef"
and she starts 
talking about all 
the dishes hes made
i get bored eventually
and ask
"is he good at art?"
she answers happily
"hes great at photography"
she takes out her smartphone
and begins showing
amazing nature scenes
moody portraits
she probably went 
at it for 30 mins
and eventually the 
phone was up my nose
so i figured
i should lay my arm 
around her shoulders
she was also radiating
from her skin
bright brown and 
with splashes of red
with that revealing dress
also showing 
plenty of tatatus
she seemed to 
have come directly 
from the beach
and i could feel her 
body emanating heat
eventually
my anxiety got too much
you see
smartphones make me sick
mentally ill
i just get more and more anxiety
the more i use a smartphone
and now i cant stand them
not normal dumbphones either
for years i had one
and eventually 
i had anxiety 24/7
this was at a time i started 
volounteering at fountain house
at the local radio 
show they had there
at a second hand store
and at a hippie café
4 part time jobs that is
and altogether
they made my anxiety go away
especially thanks to the show
where they critiqued
the psychiatric system
got many friends there
many people who inspired me
what was best is 
that they werent perfect
but they did it anyway
and eventually my music 
reached new heights
and when i got ableton live
i made my most successful album
negative feedback loop
anyway
i tried to get outta there
i had to literally 
push the mum away
and the last thing 
i heard from her was
"were going to a 
birthday party 
after this
youre invited!"
i just replied
barely noticable
with "no, i..."
you cant explain 
to normies
about anxiety
about 8 hour despair
the only one who 
understands that
is bella
oh
i remember now
this poem was 
gonna be called
"one time bella 
said i die for 
my lovers"
because i could 
just have said
"i dont like 
smartphones"
but i wanted to 
see and feel and 
hear her shine
i payed that
from noon 
until nighttime
with demons 
attacking my 
whole being
but it was worth it
because i die 
for my loved ones
and anyway
later i figured out
that party
was her sons 
birthday celebration
itd been weird 
if she always talked 
about her son that way
but it was his birthday
so its ok
maybe its how my 
mom talks about me 
to some people
all the books 
weve done together
one tavern noon i 
met an exhuberant mother
who was like
my mother
in some ways
and i know
finally
because of this
that my mom is proud of me
no matter what
i called her up the other day
and just repeated
"the worlds best mom"
so take care of your mom
and take care of yourself
make her proud
she birthed you
she took care of you
when you were helpless
you have the worlds best mum
no matter what you think
you have the worlds best mum