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year 2012 to 2013

recording device zoom h4n

well. i've always had grandoise

ideas about myself. so i am legend. great.

anyway. this is the record i've worked most on.

four times the Creation length of a normal one.

it morphed into many many shapes along the way.

so the first was a maxi-cd, but no-one cared, so why should i?

it was completely produced in audacity.

just piano, synth, spoken word (very strange,

it got compared to the door's singer's

alcoholic weird underground endevours)

and sampled ambience.

this was before i discovered elektroniskt i p2,

and the 20 minute sotz epics they usually featured.

if there had been any other show with

such quality from the electronic music scene,

maybe my music would've taken another direction.

but as you might know by now,

quake 1 and 2 were my favorite computergames of all time,

and the 10000 hours of listening to

the first ones soundtrack

fucked me up beyond recognition.

it haunts me to this day.

i don't Think i will get free. or happy.

or anything. except a writer.

a maker of dreams.

i'm just as lonely as Before.

i forgave the psychiatric system,

and now they're my "friends".

i couldn't handle it on my own.

i eventually settled on mini-cd format

but as no-one in the entire World cared for it

it was only burned in a couple of copies

the flac versions should still be available online

although the sound quality is probably atrocious

not that i would know, since i've through the years

mostly only listened with built-in laptop speakers

or some cheap plastic Soundblasters or the like

i don't understand how rock stars don't go deaf

but why would photoshoppers turn blind?

maybe by then they would dream and see the world

as what they painted with light

unfortunately, working with editing photos

is incredibly minddraining

and the word is stronger in my genes

i don't get tired from Writing, rather the opposite

i presume i am on tibethan monk frequency

in my whole being, as i can only

concentrate on one thing at a time

the latest vaccine had sick toxins in it

but hey, i've gotten 100's of forced injections

so this was nothing special

i say like nine simone and curt cobain

allt är mitt fel

i started painting again

the second one looks like a depiction

of his suicide

extratone led me to very twisted music

which might've expressed how a shotgun suicider

felt after the downers had passed

in hinduism it is said you get 20 years

of bad luck if you kill something holy

if you kill yourself

as you are the only one that exists

you get 400 years of bad luck

or rather your family

your bloodline

don't do it

it's not an escape

the universe talks in challenges

you don't want to be the dark halo

which the the world orbits around

unless you have samurai discipline

i know it wouldn't work for me

i'm really confused as to if

cremation or burial is the worst

with burial you turn into a zombie

at the end of our days

while with cremation you're straight to hell

but maybe that's not true

i don't think everyone turns

to a zombie when they die

there are a plethora of überbeings

if zombie is the lowest

then replacing god on

his throne is the greatest

lucifer tried in his naivity

and look where that took him

wellness just doesn't work on me

since i've had so much un-well-ness in my Life

drugs are the only way up (and down, obviously)

just need that discipline thing


av Emma Sotz (ris och ros)


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