Fyra av fyra
year 2012 to 2013
recording device zoom h4n
well. i've always had grandoise
ideas about myself. so i am legend. great.
anyway. this is the record i've worked most on.
four times the Creation length of a normal one.
it morphed into many many shapes along the way.
so the first was a maxi-cd, but no-one cared, so why should i?
it was completely produced in audacity.
just piano, synth, spoken word (very strange,
it got compared to the door's singer's
alcoholic weird underground endevours)
and sampled ambience.
this was before i discovered elektroniskt i p2,
and the 20 minute sotz epics they usually featured.
if there had been any other show with
such quality from the electronic music scene,
maybe my music would've taken another direction.
but as you might know by now,
quake 1 and 2 were my favorite computergames of all time,
and the 10000 hours of listening to
the first ones soundtrack
fucked me up beyond recognition.
it haunts me to this day.
i don't Think i will get free. or happy.
or anything. except a writer.
a maker of dreams.
i'm just as lonely as Before.
i forgave the psychiatric system,
and now they're my "friends".
i couldn't handle it on my own.
i eventually settled on mini-cd format
but as no-one in the entire World cared for it
it was only burned in a couple of copies
the flac versions should still be available online
although the sound quality is probably atrocious
not that i would know, since i've through the years
mostly only listened with built-in laptop speakers
or some cheap plastic Soundblasters or the like
i don't understand how rock stars don't go deaf
but why would photoshoppers turn blind?
maybe by then they would dream and see the world
as what they painted with light
unfortunately, working with editing photos
is incredibly minddraining
and the word is stronger in my genes
i don't get tired from Writing, rather the opposite
i presume i am on tibethan monk frequency
in my whole being, as i can only
concentrate on one thing at a time
the latest vaccine had sick toxins in it
but hey, i've gotten 100's of forced injections
so this was nothing special
i say like nine simone and curt cobain
allt är mitt fel
i started painting again
the second one looks like a depiction
of his suicide
extratone led me to very twisted music
which might've expressed how a shotgun suicider
felt after the downers had passed
in hinduism it is said you get 20 years
of bad luck if you kill something holy
if you kill yourself
as you are the only one that exists
you get 400 years of bad luck
or rather your family
don't do it
it's not an escape
the universe talks in challenges
you don't want to be the dark halo
which the the world orbits around
unless you have samurai discipline
i know it wouldn't work for me
i'm really confused as to if
cremation or burial is the worst
with burial you turn into a zombie
at the end of our days
while with cremation you're straight to hell
but maybe that's not true
i don't think everyone turns
to a zombie when they die
there are a plethora of überbeings
if zombie is the lowest
then replacing god on
his throne is the greatest
lucifer tried in his naivity
and look where that took him
wellness just doesn't work on me
since i've had so much un-well-ness in my Life
drugs are the only way up (and down, obviously)
just need that discipline thing