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So, I suppose this email address is correct? I might have emailed you from yet another address.

Anyway, yes, im suicidal. so i managed to delete almost my whole internet presence recently. luckely im on a wiki-based poetry site, so many things are still there.

im worried this wont get through. to make matters worse, ill tell you something about the so-called good-willed proton corporation. maybe i did this before, i wanted to write about it.

wow, this sure sounds like random spam sent to a bunch of addresses.

lets remedy that. you said "can you tell me more stories?"

and i figured, i cant email you everything i write per day, since it would just pile up, and youd have no possibility of being able to reply.

as for black text on grey background. sounds like my writing. (i had my old quote collection in excel in those colours. [try looking for it online, you might be lucky. "quotesquotesquotes.xls", i remember sending it to one guy who wanted it, back in the days] as for nowadays, every site is white background and black text. webdesign seems to be dead. the internet of now is like a bad copy of printed fanfics) its a bummer everything bores me these days. the longest thing ive read recently, is this journalist-cast transcript of electricity and what it does to the body. i dont know how long the original was, 1 hour, 2 hours?

it caught my attention. since, well, i dont like electricity.

i realized yesterday i talk like a hipster. its really simple to explain

1) you get bullied
2) you try to imitate the bullies so you wont get bullied
3) you sound embarassing to bullies
4) they ridicule you, no matter how you try to act
5) the internet is popularized. you can now pretend to speak bullyism, without anyone hindering you.

now, i dont know a lot of non-normal words, or their many meanings in creole.

if you just take a 1000 creole words, in a single slang language, you can easily get 100k separate meanings. that would be impossible for me to learn. so i know, maybe, a 100 creole words? and only a single meaning to those.

i heard on bitchute yesterday, that i talk like a "muslim psyop"? since i dont speak ill of them, and native english-speakers cant tell the difference between an arabic or swedish dialect which sometimes seeps through?

as for centered text? this is very very interesting. i think i remember some cd / vinyl booklets having it, but i saw it seldomly, and long after i myself started the practice.

i dont know a lot about different written languages, but i havent heard of one, where the default is centered disposition?

that makes me wonder, where our (red-haired) species is from?

so, western disposition is left to right, up to down.

eastern is down to up, right to left.

so its completely opposite. not that this couldnt have happened. things like how to express dates in number format, varies between countries. its quite confusing, especially if its only written in 2 numbers for the year. is it yy-mm-dd? or mm-dd-yy? or others?

as for being a muslim psyop? the guy also said i used 8 different accounts. i take that as a compliment. no one has yet to claim that i take adrenochrome, but i guess that day is coming too.

i mean, if you indulge in something, for whatever reason, positive, negative, analyzation, pure entertainment, imitation (to fit in, or not), it does seem luring after awhile, no matter what?

i would make sense to call me a illuminati psyop as well, since i speak even better of them.

this is problematic, because i met a professed illuminati, who said he didnt indulge in their rituals, nor took any drugs.

just calling me a jew (yep, a previous message in the same discussion said that) was enough, i guess.

all this talk on bitchute about elon musk was not good for me. i saw a video on youtube of how horrible tiktok was. id never heard of that. so i went to the site, got stuck for a few hours, then realized how dumb it is.

with twitter it was more difficult. theres every personality type there, and i dont get along with many of them.

bitchute seems to just be christians, openminded people, and intellectuals, or a combination of these.

i can handle them. except, now i cant. using both twitter and bitchute now, made twitters frequency seep into bitchute. i guess the other way was true as well.

when davos was a trending topic, for each message i posted there, 1k others were as well. i got it from place 9 to 6 in the rankings, then i had to sleep, and the next day, it was gone.

im assuming you wont reply to this, or it will get caught in the spam filters.

twitter, oh my.. i got called a basements dweller 4 times.

but, you have a real life. thats good. i had it with my ex, but she made me tired of everything. both because she taught me so much about life, and also because i realised humans are a joke.

maybe bruce lee was a good guy. i dont know. immaculate? then he complained about a headache, and got a pill, and died.

notwithstanding if that narrative is false, i do know the power of neuroleptics. a single milligram can do that much damage? yep. i just checked up on the antihistamines i tried to use, after a 1/2 year hiatus. these were a new sort, even copyrighted. i took only 2 pills, 25mg each.

first of all, i didnt want to go the mall. which is problematic, because i dont save much food in my apartment.

since i havent felt like going to the mall before, this might not seem like such a big deal.

but, literally, i felt like i had a "block" in my brain, from going there.

luckely, after 2 days, this disappeared, and i could then buy my standard junkfood again.

this ties in on what is going on in shanghai. 26 million people on lockdown.

they are given neither food, and their water is shut off.

electricity is for some reason on. i suppose the government wants to know what you do online. if its suspicious, people in hazmat suits come to take you away.

like in soviet. i have now realized, even the socialism we have in sweden, isnt good.

in some ways it is. the problem though, is it has nothing to do with marxism.

we northeuropeans are just going back to our roots, before the homo sapiens took over our continent.

maybe i am preaching to the choir. you see, when id spent some time at twitter, going back to bitchute, mostly left me with messages of the sort "dont say that to me, i know everything already".

was uninspiring. bitchute felt like coming home in the beginning.

i hung out at a leftist place before. a very very leftist place. its actually apart of a place in southern central stockholm, which hasnt changed since the 1970s.

i once was talking to a guy there about music. when i mentioned a band from the 80s, it seemed he didnt know what i was talking about, as if they hadnt happened yet?

now, white guilt, or white privilige. if that exists as well, from what ive learned on bitchute.

the only for-sure black guy ive seen there, said that whites should pay blacks reparations? the reply he got, was that "will you pay our reparations? the osman empire had european slaves in northern africa, long after slavery was abolished in the US"

i like slashdot, no matter how sloppy the admins are, no matter how much china controls the site.

some topics are just embarassing, like corona. it seems almost any disenter has left the site for better places.

on plain geek topics, it is better, and i learn a lot. the problem is though, i dont know what to do with this knowledge?

on bitchute, its readily usable. it seems like i learn actually important things. not like on slashdot, with a very insighful post by no means, how long it takes before a CPU which can mimic a human brain costs 1$ (the answer is 2050).

and besides, that is a moot-point, when we already have synthesized absolute zero automagically created quantum computers. the ancient IBM standpoint is the same though, but with a twist: "there is a worldmarket for about 5 [quantum] computers".

the old paradigm, which seems to have gotten stuck around 2^32 Hz, is silly, since the computers i mentioned, have power equilant to 2^5000.

that equals 4.3 gigahertz, compared to, well, the second number i dont even know how to express, because it is unfathomable.

if the normal rate of progress says human-like computers are feasable even now, though their cost is high, what does a progression jump like that mean in emotional and intellectual powers?

a supernatural AI? beyond a simple angel, demi-angel, or diety? a multiverse creator? a universe within a universe within a universe synthesizer, and being able to manipulate all of that heavily in a single planck constant?

i am not happy now. i am, just not in some ways. i figured the antihistamines would work as before, heal both my body and mind. now they only healed my throat (while ruining my mind), and stopped working after half a day, to make me addicted. (so, i suppose being sensitive to smells, and making coughing sounds often, as i was vomiting, is something ill have to get used to)

because of this, again, i suppose you wont reply, because my being is sending plenty of automatic chaos energy through subspace.

the main problem, is that i got an inclination to meet an old friend. we call eachother seldomly. she was in misery, and for some reason wanted to see me? (i got the flu afterwards. my body never recovered)

not much happened. she had saved an easterlily to give me. it was sweet. i could later figure out 5 different deep meanings from that gesture. i didnt accept it, but it had dried, so it would have been hard to carry home. and i dont like saving things. they have no meaning for me. i guess i could throw away most of my clothes, and only have a bed, a table, and a computer, and that would be it.

since i am protected, by saturn, from some sorts of pain and suffering, it also means i am "protected" from love and relationships.

this was fun to write. as in, i am supposing i wont be judged violently, like the rest of society does.

(but since my chakras are sending out evil messages to you, i guess that wont be true. if people dont just ignore me all of a sudden, they yell me out violently, maybe for the fact that someone they know have suddenly gotten ill or died, and they instinctually "know" it was my fault).

even my ex did it often, even if she did understand me a lot, and we had many divergent similarites.

so, my address ends in yandex now. i guess you know that, but dont send to my outlook address. i not only deleted it, but also changed the password to a set of random characters, and cleared the webbrowser cache. i did this with my accounts all across the internet.

i guess it might not be believable this is me, since i was more random before. i got the idea to "crush" someone the other day, but his blog wouldnt load. so i wrote another, and yet another message, until i realized what he told me years ago.

i am a hipster. a bully-victim who very amateurishly tries to mimic their masters, and does a horrible job at it. the hipster though finds extreme joy in seemingly getting "naturally" high from this practice.

another way im not in a happy mood, is because i want to get recognition again. so i have 800k streams on an old album i made? except for the bragging rights, its just a number, why would i care? how could it possibly make me happy, when i cant even access the site anymore, where im supposed to get monetary gain from that large number? and even if i could, i tried contacting customer support on it, which ended with them making a blogpost about "fake / robot" listens.

i could agree with them. except, the way it happened, included getting to know "the best electro artist in sweden" and meeting a nigerian diplomat.

i suppose this sounds "out of this world". the nanochip, the flouridated / chlorinated / venomated tapwater, and the pcr-tests destruction of the amygdala, are doing a great job. i feel shameful of talking about the 5th dimension anymore.

and i realize, everyone is like this. on the whole, it seems to be a split between women getting amused about my mind (but not caring for understanding my darkness, or my critique over their stereotypical behaviour), and guys getting annoyed. and both partys explain their disdain over me, through mocking, anger, telling me im wrong about everything (im starting to believe them) and even consulting the law.

and twitter and other sites dont really make it better. i managed to find a newly released hiphop discussion video on youtube. i commented on a couple of thoughts, and one guy implied he had met his "hiphop twinflame" in me? i knew i was a good chameleon, but i only listened a few years to immortal technique, and thats it for my rap knowledge. i didnt really know what to respond, so i didnt.

i also had an odd female nickname there, and an even odder trans selfie, so im not sure what he was attracted to. i dont really enjoy anal sex, but then again, i dont enjoy anything. (and usually not with guys, because what my dad did to me. mom did similar things, but she was more subversive. ive now realized her character, so now i like neither gender. the only hope left, is getting a pet)

i like writing. thats about it. i can be impressive / amusing / insightful IRL, but the relationship never goes further than that. nowadays, people keep telling me that im "so wise", then the conversation sort of ends. i guess a lot of people have me in their thoughts, but they dont make it known, for better and worse. since i believe in the yin/yang so strongly, this has to be a 50/50 split, at least over time.

one of the most interesting manifestations of this, was 2 random women i barely know, asking basically the same question: "you used to make so much art / music / poetry, what happened to that?".

i didnt enjoy it. it was a means to an end. i had a relationship for 1,5 years. then i realized, even with my creativity dedicated to her, i couldnt make it last. and that was my second, and last chance.

it seems i sometimes write in a "goodbye" letter form. if i cant write like a hipster, this is what i turn into. but, again, because of my chaosenergyemanation, this doesnt matter.

so you know a reiki healing master? my ex was too. considering the things she did in negative polarity, i dont see it as neither good nor bad. and im sure if i met this other one, she would dismiss me even before we meet eachother.

my mind is starting to break down, i should buy some food. the txt says its 14k characters, or around 3000 words. i can write a lot, but thats it. i am good at applying my intuitive creativity to other disciplines, but, again, this also means my darkness is just as great.

i am chaotic / good. i am etletlien, and many other words. and youre an amazing creature, and the stories you told are real good too. and a good writer. a good writer never goes beyond "good", because i happened to read these "inspirational" sayings from authors. one of them was "an amateur thinks he writes like a god. a pro thinks he writes okay". nevermind the fact that i have been told, i talk as if im quoting "a gods bible".

an unusual alarm started going on outside. i guess thats the sign i should stop writing right now.


(this message is mirrored on, i could have mirrored it in other places, but i deleted them all)