I was once caught for arson
i got caught for arson once. i had a parole officer. near the end of us seeing eachother, i wanted to get help for my sex addiction. i did not get that. why?
so i had it easy until recently. now im left with my own devices.
rättspsyk isnt fun. when i was in a hearing there before my judgement, it was locked doors everywhere. metal detector. staff after the doors.
the one i had was a scorpio, why? and im locked into a knivsöder reality. i have only been on vacation once in my life by myself. to seek my roots, which i thought was only on my mothers side. the reason for my leaving on the internet for awhile was because i quit neuroleptics too fast.
"has difficulty following instructions", said my kurator in upper gradeschool.
it is still true. its gotten better.
"det blir bättre" my mom said when i had yet another session (of hundreds) of war veteran despair.
what did my dad say or do, that was of use in my personal development?
"you need intellectual stimulation"
i cant recall those times we talked at the dinner table.
even alcoholics are good people. i have been trying to make the world better. i could yell at them saying "fucking alcoholic", but that wouldnt do me much good for either part. and they have obviously heard that before.
no one has called me ugly much. now social media is overflowing with memes. i dont have the skill much to produce them, or find them.
like nietzsche says
"wisdom sets a limit on knowledge"
i am also an addict. to dip. i tried to quit computer games many times. i didnt even play them for 19 whole years. theyre at least some sort of fun my life.
i wanted to be an artist. what was i in my previous incarnation? that is a good question. if nothing exists except blackness when you die, what is the point of anything?
so you should enjoy yourself.
"skratta och va glad"
what is that for me? being calm, listening to music, being online, playing computer games, being in a flow when writing.
what is life? doing what youre supposed to, then you die.
but with hillary clinton not being elected, it could also be when you mess up. or when youre "too close" to the truth.
karma catches up to you. but karma can mean many things.
another meaning of the word is finding your twinflame.
another is doing art, which i am doing now.
and art can mean "de som inte kommit upp ur sandlådan än".
the staff here are more normal, not the BDSM sort i had before.
what changed this was when one of them a few days ago said "we follow rules".
yes, they have been abusive in many ways, both sexual and violent. sometimes at the same time.
but i still had it easy. but i didnt have a long-lasting friend for about a decade.
that i have to thank my family for. knivsöder. and the patriarch of sweden.
queen silvia of sweden once visited fountain house stockholm. she might be shallow but she is still a person. with good parts as well.
i remember trying to figure out if there was anything good about hillary clinton.
what isnt mentioned in the gender debate, is that women menstruate. it is absolutely horrible. why? because of the shame, because of the pain.
one time, before i stopped coming to fountain house when i met bella, there was the idea to radio totalnormal to talk about övergångsåldern för women. it is even worse than having a period. it was repeated 3 shows after eachother, to really make it stick to people.
i have a lot to thank for getting it better. i am not in rättspsyk. i am not in prison.
until the next time
// gabriel fauci
av Gabriel Fauci (ris och ros)
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