Morning thoughts

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yes, my mom was really shy for 40 years. she barely spoke at all, and got bullied when she did, especially by my dad. now she talks a lot, and im beyond my deep dark teenage years. im 40. i like taking it easy though just like carol. having a not so amazing job that you go to every day is the most needed. ive been on a dancefloor once, ive been drunk like 3 times. it was an experience, but just like coming home and sitting at my laptop and doing art, music and poetry that no one really appretiates. i have some vids on this account, average views: 0.5.

im not really autistic, and not really aspberger either. more like a high functioning aspberger. but i can relate to those people, havent met many though. i have inverse depression, that is, im unable to cry, so i play the clown all the time. thats why i prefer the internet, because im more intellectual here. so i write a lot, and get some replies, and sometimes a conversation starts. i have 900 "friends" on facebook, and they barely say or put a like on anything i do. ive got 4 blogs too. my mom has made almost 1000 freeweaves over 15 years, shes amazing. me, ive made so much creative expressions i dont know how to explain it. but i feel ok with my laptop and some tasty food, and going to work and making someone laugh, maybe getting a hug or two. sex isnt amazing for me, ive slept with 4 women and i could just as well had them as friends instead, so it would have lasted. some women have even proposed to me.

"Man has the illusion that he's in control of his only destiny." well, its easier to go with the flow of time and events. like... once, i was in the fifth dimension. i decided i wanted some new shoes. so i went to the shoe-store in the big city. just as i arrived, thats when they opened... synchrinicity. same when a not very close friend wanted to see me. he walked to tumba, where i lived, and just as i walked down to the buses he arrived, and just as we walked to the bus we were gonna go on, it arrived. thats "going with the flow". in the fifth dimension, that happens all the time. then you are truly "in control", and it just flows...

hi, im neither autistic nor aspberger. more like high-functioning aspie. anyway, im great at impressing women, but then i just fuck up and say something stupid. or when they want to be kissed or made love to, i just freak out and leave. i suppose its related to how society and my family treated me. you dont need to be born with aspbergers, it can be developed. me, i prefer having some good food (i love oranges! :) and just sitting at my laptop and reading things, and commenting. its enough to make me feel whole. sometimes someone responds back, and i feel wonderful :) not much is needed to make me happy, im all well enough alone, i write my poems and make art and do music, theyre almost never seen or commented on or "liked", but i dont mind. i do it for myself :) i did finally meet a woman who appretiated all about me, but it only lasted 1½ year, now i have tattoos about her all over my body, even a marriage tattoo, but it didnt last... now im by myself again, now im myself again. i used to have crazy OCD, but she took dip so i also started with it. dip just makes me calm...

well, i was with my mom at a cafe at the capitol. two people were talking profousely, but it didnt seem like they were talking to eachother. i looked their way, and they both had their phones and were talking to someone else. thats just sad. we must be the loneliest generation ever. myself i dont have a smartphone not even an old phone, and i feel so much better without it. all that radiation, i cant stand it.

i make poetry and art books. just print them in a few copies. not many have seen them, but get impressed when they do. i like the easy life. dont drink, dont smoke. my world is really boring but im not bored. i like it this way :) i have fulfilled my dreams many times over. working on a new book with my mom once again.

I suppose that's a worldwide phenomenon, we're not in a post wars optimistic, rebuilding and economically developing mindset. We live in a tired yet fast moving system with rising prices and unemployment, the stable job itself has lost its prestige, now it's a synonym of being trapped and imprisoned, having one modest job income isn't enough anymore to sustain a family, social media is turning us into products to be rated on a market. We're bombarded with informations all the time with footage and commentaries, notifications and pop-ups, social tensions are rising, conflicts, might be the prémices of a new world war, a few other wars, some civil wars. Trust in politics and journalism is collapsing. Environmental issues are depressing. It is a bit much to take for anyone. No wonder mental health issues are skyrocketing, solitude and isolation are also a growing plague of this world, maybe the end of the world scenario is somewhat synonymous with a new beginning, the breaking point of this era, or at least an end to a world where more and more people just don't find a place nor meaningful human connexions,values, communities nor activities giving a meaning to their lives.

av Tsofmia Neptlith (ris och ros)

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