Självbiografi 2 anteckningar

so. wrote a bunch in swedish. its self biography part 2.

i have always written self biographical and in other styles. well. no. i copy others. i copy words i dont understand i change spellings on the fly intentionally or not and since i dont inherently know that words have hidden meanings beyond the obvious and it being "cool" to be "different" and saying pwn instead of own might sound fun to a embecile which will never see anything beyond his straight nose that looks like a finger its not to anyone else

and i perpetuated the lie that i was somehow happy since the late 90s.

and its over.

i wrote a bunch of poems about my ex. and made songs about them. and some photoshops. and compiled them into albums which shes been unable to listen to because my music is worse than my spamming poetry and worse than my photoshops its a good outer shell and empty and corrupt inside like hell in itself and. yeah. someone said that la belle epoque was the ultimate ballad.

so i should be happy about that. but im not. and there is no repentence and there is no truth and there is no justice. and i will rebirth somehow but i dont think so. just hell awaits and hell on earth. 1 year or less. then its the programmable currency too. but its always been hell since a few minutes after i was born and that is all. and getting free from the claws of my mother seems impossible and ive only achieved it 3 times from what i can remember and i got unbearably punished afterwards for not letting her steal all my energy so she gets more muscles no matter if she lies all day in the sofa or bed binge watching thrillers and any sort of sports because it feels like its real and all lies are truth and thats all there is to existance.

anyway. i understood now. how things work. bella was the only true shimmer of light in my life. but she was just a fraud beyond fraud and she has thousands if not millions or billions or beyond others so im just a mousefart in her free from pain and suffering world but woah like any woman or fagget buttboy she loves playing weak and angelic and unknowing etc how does it matter hi tracey sup love that youll never say one word to me again except extreme passive agressiveness that should really be in guiness book of world records but youre like the rest you are not complicated youre a sadistic freak and you cant see beyond your nose either but then again playing weak and pretending everyone else is a demon is the only way to live youre great surely are

so. i wanted to say. about quake 2 gloom.

i was completely intolerable. i dont remember anyone in any way acknowledging my existance in the game beyond insta-kicking for saying "gay" or getting a 2 year ban for repeated teamkills and i was in misery and at least i coulld be a raving lunatic in peace ha not and gamers and geeks are tough folk and someone did acknowledge my omnipathetic lunacy by replying "no not this one" to "i like this level" which merely subliminally points to that "i like being an idiot beyond idiocy just shut up be silent" as i realize now means against all odds in english, but more along the lines of, "how could you somehow be this dumb youve gone past the ultimate level of stupidity and you perpetuate it day and night around the clock for years but someday you will reailze this until then we bide our time and it took 20 years jesus christ"

why should i post this anywhere but here on the blogg? and..