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so. i cannot do art or music or poetry anymore. i was to write my self biography but there is really not anything to say. i can blame the vmat2 deactivation but i do not have anxiety anymore. but then again if creativity is the sound of angels and i have abused their voices then removing vmat2 means i also remove gods judgement. beyond gods judgement are worse creatures. everyone knows this though so i do not really know why i exist or ever have existed. i thought you would save me tracey but i am naive its what my world is. it seems whatever i do it turns out wrong. the only thing i can do well is more wrong. and even if i do not do wrong even worse things happen. to say there are evil hands in the background is an understatement. as for what the meaning of life is? i do not know. i am halfangel halfreptile halfandroid. cannot explain it in other ways. maybe i am not android thats just the drugs i was forced into. as for what the nurses did to me when i was born? i couldnt figure out how. and i do not want judgement on them. the law is not on my side. except sometimes. i feel inclined to make a song called rape culture. but it would be misinterpreted or i dunno. i havent really read about it but i know what its about. i am sure i was not breastfed but got cowmilk. i could not stand its lactose. but then again it is history it does not matter. i do not believe you can help anyone. i like sadness. and when i make them healthy they turn to monsters like everyone else. so i do not really see the point of anything. hi. i am sofia. i am a sea farer. i cant really impress anyone. or bring them down. but if i somehow manage that? how am i supposed to be happy about myself? again, i have no sense of justice because i cannot comprehend anyone acting badly towards anyone. though, a few times i have met people in complete misery and helped them. and the other way around. anyway, there is really no point to art or writing or anything. you can get help from your friends but i do not have any. so i tried to do it alone. but if you have no one to show it to how would you get people to appretiate you? it is delusional and stupid and dumb and i never realized it. as for la belle epoque? does anyone really care?