Sweet dreams

i was molested while i was in deep sleep. this also continued later, by means of groping my butt when my body was facing the wall in bed. usually when i was already feeling horrible. this is the reason i am not attracted to males. i remember talking to this woman, who wasnt attracted to any gender. she was abused by both men and women. i wonder what new findings there are in muscle memory? i mean, no one would believe youd remember something when you werent even concious? but, to this day, i lie in bed, in like, a 22 degree angle? so i have free vision to both sides. and lying on my back isnt comfortable. and since this all started so early, i can barely retrieve any memories of it. i dont really have nightmares (leave the lights on), but a distinct distaste for guys. i mean, very seldom, i do like a guy, but my body doesnt respond to it, and i dont even realise it either? as for seeing a shrink about this. i have met 1, ever. i was babbling on and on, and at some point i managed to blurt out "i dont remember anything from when i was young", she answered back, "if you dont remember it, how do you know that it happened?". she was also doing a psychological analysis of me, consulting my family as well. and she told that to the one who had done it, and was doing so then as well. he later mentioned the exact same thing, "if you dont remember it, how do you know that it happened?". because of this, i refuse to see a psychologist again. i have a plethora of faults, bad character traits, traumas, you name it. and no help is ever to be found. the ones who are appointed to help you, never do. they rather do the opposite, make it worse. they get a kick from breaking down already damaged people, and get payed to do so (if they arent cherrypicked for this, they seek out the jobs intentionally. and its inherent in the system. its intentional. its the very backbone of it. no one who says they "love to work with people", actually like "people"). and everything is always your fault, and nothing else. and if you fight back? it doesnt get pretty. if you try to point out their errors? you dont wanna know. socialism is a joke. bring back feudalism, bring back anarchy, nuke the world, i dont care. i disagree with an early poster, everyone gets destroyed by this. its the foundation of our society. some are just better at hiding it (nope, i see through everyone). "high-functioning" just means that you pretend you like yourself, that you like people, and everyone falls for it. but you really hate existance in itself, and wish youd never been born. anyway. everyone abuses me. everywhere. in every way. all the time. (i am their cute little free entertainment disposable "clown"). i figure on this topic people wont do that, but you never know. my previous account was -2 (wow, 2 posts per day, awesome). i used to read 100's of posts before i even responded to a single one. got downmodded no matter what i did. hey, mods, thanks for this. even bitchute doesnt talk about this, not in this way at least. there, people are just angry. its not just any insult imaginable, but very creatively expressed pure murder threats.