The day i took cocaine
den gången jag snortade kokain
försvann min bästa vän
den gången jag snortade kokain
försvann min mamma
den gången jag snortade kokain
försvann tomas
den gången jag snortade kokain
vaknade sofia till liv
the day i took cocaine
my best friend left me
the day i took cocaine
my mother left me
the day i took cocaine
tomas left me
the day i took cocaine
sofia surfaced
the day i took cocaine
my life fell apart
in so many ways
i have no chance of
finding all the pieces
i had had a friend
for several years
that i could talk
to anything about
if i was sad i could talk to him
if i was glad i could talk to him
if i was mad i could talk to him
for hours on end
the day
i took
cocaine
he had started
in loose terms
to talk about sex
me shallowly
figured cocaine
would do the job
you see im not
attracted to guys
in any way
most think of me
as gay or female
or i dont know
something more
since hed mentioned
theres a drug dealer
nearby once
i figured id go
over there
flashback
3 months ago i had
physically assaulted
my own mother
and told her i never
under any circumstance
wanted to see her again
since that day she had
sold off things and left
at second hand stores
she had
so many things
she lives for them
and that
had made her
suicidal
i wish no one
to get that plague
it follows
you everywhere
the day
i took
cocaine
the blood
follows me
everywhere
kjell my friend
asked about
that book again
almost
every night
i awake at 3:27
and i just
dont work
i freak out
the only thing
that works is
reading books
i can manage 2 or 3
before im tired and
go to bed at noon
of all
the books
i have read
it was
that one
he wanted
beyond good and evil
by friedrich nietzsche
i thought
it said
everything
now i cant even hear
or read a single
german sounding word
without getting
back to that spot
flashback
i had groped a
japanese woman
a year ago
shed said shed
get me locked
away for life
but the
police
never came
there was no
investigation
all charges
were dropped
but not
on the
other side
i hurried to
my apartment
10 minutes
away by foot
and as i got back
kjells door
was open
not
that
unusual
there was
a knife on
the doors
inside
not
that
unusual
there was
blood
on the
knife
not
that
unusual
the rest my body
and mind plays
over and over
again
the day
i took
cocaine
i bought 10 grams
of the best
shit there is
flashback
the day my
mother left me
the day
i took
cocaine
she left an
envelope
on my door
spend
it well
it said
i dont know
how much money
was in it
but everything was
blood drenched
since then
my whole
life
is
i see
water as
blood
to the point
that i dont think
water exists anymore
its only torment
and pain and
trauma
no tears
are left
to cry
the day
i took
cocaine
kjell
had been
neutered
it was
blood
everywhere
even
the
ceiling
i wondered
who had
done that
who could do
something
like that
the day
i took
cocaine
i figured maybe
they had taken
cocaine to
handle it
this is
the day
after i took
cocaine
there is
nothing
after it
only pain
in more
pain
or did i
just make
this up
am i
this
fucked
up
who did
this
to me
my
own
mother
my
own
mother
av Tsofmia Neptlith (ris och ros)
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