The day i took cocaine

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den gången jag snortade kokain
försvann min bästa vän
den gången jag snortade kokain
försvann min mamma
den gången jag snortade kokain
försvann tomas
den gången jag snortade kokain
vaknade sofia till liv



the day i took cocaine
my best friend left me
the day i took cocaine
my mother left me
the day i took cocaine
tomas left me
the day i took cocaine
sofia surfaced

the day i took cocaine
my life fell apart
in so many ways
i have no chance of
finding all the pieces

i had had a friend
for several years
that i could talk
to anything about

if i was sad i could talk to him
if i was glad i could talk to him
if i was mad i could talk to him
for hours on end

the day
i took
cocaine

he had started
in loose terms
to talk about sex

me shallowly
figured cocaine
would do the job

you see im not
attracted to guys
in any way

most think of me
as gay or female
or i dont know
something more

since hed mentioned
theres a drug dealer
nearby once

i figured id go
over there
flashback

3 months ago i had
physically assaulted
my own mother

and told her i never
under any circumstance
wanted to see her again

since that day she had
sold off things and left
at second hand stores

she had
so many things
she lives for them

and that
had made her
suicidal

i wish no one
to get that plague

it follows
you everywhere

the day
i took
cocaine

the blood
follows me
everywhere

kjell my friend
asked about
that book again

almost
every night
i awake at 3:27

and i just
dont work
i freak out

the only thing
that works is
reading books

i can manage 2 or 3
before im tired and
go to bed at noon

of all
the books
i have read

it was
that one
he wanted

beyond good and evil
by friedrich nietzsche

i thought
it said
everything

now i cant even hear
or read a single
german sounding word

without getting
back to that spot
flashback

i had groped a
japanese woman
a year ago

shed said shed
get me locked
away for life

but the
police
never came

there was no
investigation

all charges
were dropped

but not
on the
other side

i hurried to
my apartment
10 minutes
away by foot

and as i got back
kjells door
was open

not
that
unusual

there was
a knife on
the doors
inside

not
that
unusual

there was
blood
on the
knife

not
that
unusual

the rest my body
and mind plays
over and over
again

the day
i took
cocaine

i bought 10 grams
of the best
shit there is
flashback

the day my
mother left me

the day
i took
cocaine

she left an
envelope
on my door

spend
it well
it said

i dont know
how much money
was in it

but everything was
blood drenched
since then

my whole
life
is

i see
water as
blood

to the point
that i dont think
water exists anymore

its only torment
and pain and
trauma

no tears
are left
to cry

the day
i took
cocaine

kjell
had been
neutered

it was
blood
everywhere

even
the
ceiling

i wondered
who had
done that

who could do
something
like that

the day
i took
cocaine

i figured maybe
they had taken
cocaine to
handle it

this is
the day
after i took
cocaine

there is
nothing
after it

only pain
in more
pain

or did i
just make
this up

am i
this
fucked
up

who did
this
to me

my
own
mother

my
own
mother


av Tsofmia Neptlith (ris och ros)


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