The story of the exhuberant mother
so i decided to hit the tavern
twice this week
i chose a bad time
because every table was taken
so i said id take the food with me
well only a minute later
a following left
and i seated myself
i ate in slow munches
after awhile
a couple comes in
and asks if its taken
i invite them in
not soon thereafter
the woman of the couple
starts talking about her son
exhuberantly
so i try to chime in
what is he good at?
"hes a great chef"
and she starts
talking about all
the dishes hes made
i get bored eventually
and ask
"is he good at art?"
she answers happily
"hes great at photography"
she takes out her smartphone
and begins showing
amazing nature scenes
moody portraits
she probably went
at it for 30 mins
and eventually the
phone was up my nose
so i figured
i should lay my arm
around her shoulders
she was also radiating
from her skin
bright brown and
with splashes of red
with that revealing dress
also showing
plenty of tatatus
she seemed to
have come directly
from the beach
and i could feel her
body emanating heat
eventually
my anxiety got too much
you see
smartphones make me sick
mentally ill
i just get more and more anxiety
the more i use a smartphone
and now i cant stand them
not normal dumbphones either
for years i had one
and eventually
i had anxiety 24/7
this was at a time i started
volounteering at fountain house
at the local radio
show they had there
at a second hand store
and at a hippie café
4 part time jobs that is
and altogether
they made my anxiety go away
especially thanks to the show
where they critiqued
the psychiatric system
got many friends there
many people who inspired me
what was best is
that they werent perfect
but they did it anyway
and eventually my music
reached new heights
and when i got ableton live
i made my most successful album
negative feedback loop
anyway
i tried to get outta there
i had to literally
push the mum away
and the last thing
i heard from her was
"were going to a
birthday party
after this
youre invited!"
i just replied
barely noticable
with "no, i..."
you cant explain
to normies
about anxiety
about 8 hour despair
the only one who
understands that
is bella
oh
i remember now
this poem was
gonna be called
"one time bella
said i die for
my lovers"
because i could
just have said
"i dont like
smartphones"
but i wanted to
see and feel and
hear her shine
i payed that
from noon until nighttime
with demons
attacking my
whole being
but it was worth it
because i die
for my loved ones
and anyway
later i figured out
that party
was her sons birthday celebration
itd been weird
if she always talked
about her son that way
but it was his birthday
so its ok
maybe its how my
mom talks about me
to some people
all the books
weve done together
one tavern noon i
met an exhuberant mother
who was like
my mother
in some ways
and i know
finally
because of this
that my mom is proud of me
no matter what
i called her up the other day
and just repeated
"the worlds best mom"
so take care of your mom
and take care of yourself
make her proud
she birthed you
she took care of you
when you were helpless
you have the worlds best mum
no matter what you think
you have the worlds best mum
av Bellas Blomma (ris och ros)
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