Women dont like me more than anyone else
anyway. im not special. women dont like me more than anyone else. i told denise that nathalie toeflirts with me. like first ever. she said "she flirts with everyone". yep. then my frequency changed. i saw it. my dick isnt bigger than anyone elses. everyone is baphomet. they obviously wont say around you that they like other guys.
so. 2006. first time on the commute in years. going home. sitting by myself with 6 seats. some chicks where chitchattergiggling some few seats away from me. i check them out for a moment. get a boner. one of them teases with "now his tiny penis get hard".
next day. on the bus to tumba centrum. sit like half on the other seat. some chick sits next to me. regret it. stop being a freak. a "modern" person.
i didnt think sexually about anyone for years. just jacked off to porn.
2007. summer. get a contact person. hug her a few times. she wants to marry me soon enough. we didnt talk at all. i was shy as hell then. one time were sitting on the back veranda. we start talking about religion. the next time we meet i have the idea we should visit churches. ive found a bunch at different places. one day i randomly bike around botkyrka.
flasks. except its a holy spring. blessed by saint botvid. the cunt that christianized sweden. sellout. filth.
ok. x rated ^___^ see more if you dare. dont say i didnt warn ya.
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we check it out for awhile. i take some pics. of her. leyla starts to pray. i do it with her. im about to fill a flask. and she warns me. i will be cursed forever. ok. if i was with a crazy chick then wed probably done it. lars winnerbäck talks about it in one of his songs. "one sip from it and youre never pure again". like emma. she showers for hours here while repeating "clean clean clean". she likes rotten food. lady K and my grand(dad) too. runs in the family i guess. theyre all corpses. zombie. mummys. vampires. i am as well but they are to a much bigger percentage.
i doze off for a millisecond from the strong fumes. its full of iron and lots of gross things. some have thrown metal objects in it. i wake up with leyla holding my chest.
she starts kissing me. i feel healing energy coursing through my body like never before. yes. id forgotten that somehow. the countess and emma sofie and bella were nothing in comparison.
emma has it worse though. she cant go outside. just lives in the subway. or underground chambers and basements. needs armed escort above ground. so shes living after world war 3.
anyway. too much anxiety. i remember writing this before. sigh. had more ideas. the flow is lost.
anyway. read my mind. we go to a pizza parlour much later. she knows the guy there. he says "beautiful name". obviously a nother fuckbuddy. she mentioned before she knew 95% of botkyrka. yeah. in what way is that? she undresses her jeans jacket. has a beautiful yellow top on her. took a photo. i can see it clearly. its on flickr if you know where to look. im sure i posted it on livejournal back in the days several times.
she mentioned later at our wedding that i didnt attend she used a yellow dress. were in town. walking down hornsgatan. starting from årstaberg. those were the days. a marriage dress store. she tries on several. i photo her and photoshop it and show it to her the next day. like everyone barely an emotion.
years later. second last time we meet. she has a new portable cam. supposed to snap automagically when you smile. doesnt work. ive stopped photoshopping and using computers.
she shows a pic some friend made. uhm. circa 1997 photoshop. some flower gif etc basically on her face.
so she appretiated my art a lot. anyway. well be together. some time. somewhere. somehow.
ive never gotten on her frequency no matter how many drugs ive taken. ive even been on saras frequencys. bellas obviously but then i took so many drugs it was outrageous. and little leyla has taken way more?
just like yet another theresa. anorexic. and just eats junkfood. same figure. hmm. one day shell turn fat and ugly as hell over night. güler says she uses a shawl now. hmm.
as for the tessan. work therapist. her stomache gurgles when we have our sessions. she looks nauseous all the time. dont think there was anything good about her at all. her "therapy" has zero effect. like remember a random number with 20 digits after 1 week? wtf? im not on robot frequency, it doesnt work on me.
tell her "maybe you need work therapy". next time she acts the same. always has her sleeves rolled up. a huge fresh flesh wound. since my heart is dead then i dont mention it at all.
next. a new work therapist. they fall in love. the end.
bump into her years later. she smells like maize and old potatoe peel. so shes ilke 40 and in menopause already? why do people do these things to themselves? it has nothing to do with bad self image. its a disease. throw away the scale and the mirror and youll be ok.
you can only buy that much junkfood because your dad or fuckbuddy (oh wait, same thing) hands it to you for free. youve never had a difficult time in your life.
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right. so thought a bunch of things. fate has changed. i no longer get punished. but thats because i cant move my legs. or theyve punished me so much im free. this is supposedly "karma". except in hindu thought karma doesnt exist at all. its just christian bastardized version. karma account really means sin account. you also have a positive karma account. this is just in abrahamian religions though. or just christianity. tut ankh amuns version. true christians know mother mary is the holy spirit but the world is patriarchal. except the stronger feminism is the strong masculism gets. so we live in a hyper male and hyper female world. and its getting out of control.
anyway. happy you found chris. except he rapes you and effie with his gun. you love it, effie doesnt.
the reason i didnt read his book, is then you would lose him. whats worse than that? blood drinkers. khazars. aborted fetus rapers. but youve had your share of that as well. who extract adrenochrome from them when theyre just about to die from pain and agony. mk ultra experiments. so i lost diana. this happened before. and i deleted my account. forgot about her and miss poetry site. then everything was ok.
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ok tracey theyre gonna lock me up cya in awhile i know you wont care and just insult me when i get back thanks for the support
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so swedish first and then translation. so i tell julia if she wants to meet me she has to come directly not after ive given her money. lady K times so it seems it took her exactly the time julia messaged me. but its a lie. she can teleport. she promised "i might not come for a long while". what was that, 1 week, or less? is that long time? right. last tuesday? wow. 8 days. "not a long time". ok. i manifested her by mentioning her name. but i dont think it would make the fuck of a difference. and of course the more i shit talk her the more loosh she gets.
and i wonder tracey. you have just as many wrinkles as my dad had when he was 65. but youre half his age. and he was the biggest junkie in stockholm. hes taken adrenochrome. hes drank with the nobel committee. and youve managed more than this in just 30 years? oh. you like to drink blood. yourself and others. while being tortured and torturing others. right. so youve bathed in blood. makes sense. ive now beeped the staff like 20 times and its past 12 and no peep. they started this friday morning. when i got to psyket i had to ask 7 fucking times for some fucking orange juice. and as i noticed when i was still together with bella. if i get pissed off im not creative for hours. but i get it. ive done my deal. first stuff for lady K then ida then bella then im used up. im not needed anymore.
ja som sagt min morsa förstörde allt redan. hon kom för 11 minuter sen. så hon åkte precis när du skickade första meddelandet. jag frågade henne om jag inte förtjänar någon. hon svarade inte på det. sen frågade jag om hon kunde sätta in 9000kr. hon sa "jag bryr mig inte, prata med gisela". sen sa jag 10 gånger "om du inte bryr dig, varför kommer du hit?". sen "försvinn" massa gånger. hon tog tid på sig ändå. jag vet att du inte kommer svara nåt mer. hon är så. "du är ju inte ihop med julia längre".
yes, as I said, my mother already ruined everything. she arrived 11 minutes ago. so she left right when you sent the first message. I asked her if I don't deserve someone. she didn't answer it. then I asked if she could deposit SEK 9,000. she said "i don't care talk to gisela". then I said 10 times "if you don't care, why do you come here?". then "disappear" many times. she took her time anyway. I know you won't answer anything more. she is like that. "You're not together with Julia anymore".
av Heartgold Worldstone (ris och ros)
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